Robot Chicken:Godzilla, King of the Bastards
by Pikazilla
Summary: Just like the Star Wars Episode, Robot Chicken made a Godzilla episode.
1. Intro

Robot Chicken:Godzilla, King of the Bastards

The chicken is killed by the oxygen destroyer. The scientist finds the skeleton and turns him into Mecha-Chickenzilla 3. The cyborg watches a giant tv screen in Tokyo.

Seth Bean

Matthew Sinreich

Alex Bullshit

Cory Campoodonacho

Other unimportant cast


	2. Megaguirape

From the scene from Godzilla vs Megaguirus. Godzilla is fighting Megaguirus.

**Godzilla **No, I'm not paying for rent.

**Megaguirus** Well, you live on Monster Island for, what, 40… 50 years? You have to pay the rent.

**Godzilla** I… I….. wait, how much is it?

**Megaguirus** hmm….. I guess…. $2000 a day.

**Godzilla** $2000?

**Megaguirus** Yeah.

**Godzilla** (pause) WTF!!!!

**Megaguirus **Whoa, whoa. Easy. Remember, you're like, 50, 100 meters tall. That means the bill is very big.

**Godzilla **I can't afford that!

**Megaguirus **Oh, excuse me. Why don't you get a job!

**Godzilla **Job? I'm a famous movie star.

**Megaguirus **Famous? All your movies are flops outside Japan. None of your films replace the monsters with CGI, you just use crappy, low budget Halloween costumes. The humans can't match their mouth with the English language. Some of your films only give you a 20 min appearance despite being a 100 min long film about you.

**Godzilla **I get it! My life sucks.

**Megaguirus** I know what yo mama sucks.

**Godzilla** WHAT!!!

Godzilla tries to attack Megaguirus, but she quickly evades. Megaguirus launches her stinger into Godzilla's crotch.

**Godzilla **Uh… did we just do it?

**Megaguirus **(pause) oh .

**Godzilla **That's kind of what you're doing.

(Tv Static)


	3. 55 years

Godzilla's friends are celebrating Godzilla's 55 year birthday. The monsters there are Mothra, Rodan, Anguirus, Jet Jaguar, Varan, Baragon, Battra, Krystalak, Obsidius and King Ceasar.

**All but Godzilla **Happy 55th Birthday Godzilla!!

**Godzilla** I'm 54.

After a short pause, Jet Jaguar, Varan, Baragon, and King Ceasar leave. Obsidius and Krystalak whisper to each other.

**Godzilla** Uh………. what just happened?

**Mothra** Dude, no one cares about your 54th birthday.

**Rodan **Yeah, we only care about certain birthdays like, 50 years.

**Anguirus** You mean Godzilla Final Wars? Cool effects, bad story, needed more _**Don Frye.**_

**Godzilla** Yeah, I guess more American actors will give us more respect. Hey, what are Obsidius and Krystalak doing? And why are they here? I don't even know them.

**Rodan** They're NEWBIES.

**Anguirus** More like Noobies.

**Godzilla** Or Boobies.

**Mothra** WHAT!

**Anguirus** Mothra, why are you insulted? You don't have boobs (However, I can always dream).

**Krystalak **Uh, we were thinking and I guess you can have the thing we gave you.

Krystalak gives Godzilla the present.

**Godzilla** Godzilla Unleashed? Sweet. I was hoping for Super Smash Bros Brawl, but I guess those delays make life more miserable. I so want to beat up Mario with Sonic. Wait, is this the Wii one?

**Anguirus **It's the Wii one. See, there's Biollante.

**Godzilla **Biollante? She's huge! Nice.

**Battra **The wii sucks. Playstation rules.

**Godzilla** You only say that because you were not in the wii version.

**Battra** SCREW YOU!

Battra leaves.

**Mothra** I got the cake.

Mothra shows Godzilla the cake.

**Godzilla** Is that Hedorah with candles on it?

**Obsidius** I don't know, I have no eyes.

**Rodan **Yeah, that's Hedorah.

**Godzilla **Ok, let me blow out the candles.

Godzilla shoots his atomic way. The ray hits Anguirus.

**Anguirus **Ow! WHAT THE HELL?

**Godzilla** Easy dude. I can only shoot an atomic blast.

**Mothra **I got an idea. Rodan, help me blow the candles.

The two kaiju create a hurricane with their wings. The gust sends the Hedorah cake flying into Godzilla.

**Godzilla **HELP!!! IT BURNS!!!!

(Tv Static)


	4. Moguera is a Dick

From the scene from Godzilla vs Spacegodzilla. Moguera appears in front of Spacegodzilla.

**Moguera** Spacegodzilla! Prepare to face the wrath of MOGUERA!!!

Spacegodzilla stares at him.

**Moguera **That's right, Moguera!

Moguera raises the roof.

**Moguera **Moguera, Moguera, Moguera.

Spacegodzilla is still staring at him.

**Moguera **Dude, what is wrong with you?

**Spacegodzilla** Is that a dick?

Moguera looks at his crotch.

**Moguera** I don't know. Maybe. Hold on, I want to rape Mothra.

**Spacegodzilla **Mothra left.

**Moguera **What?

**Spacegodzilla **She had to destroy a meteor so she left.

**Moguera **How can she survive in space?

**Spacegodzilla **I don't know, big penis.

**Moguera **Will you stop that?

**Spacegodzilla **Hey, it's not my fault that you have a terrible design flaw. Also, your arms look like whangs.

**Moguera** Oh come on!

(Tv Static)


	5. Anguirus Soccer

From the scene from Godzilla Final Wars. Godzilla is fighting King Ceasar, Anguirus and Rodan.

Have you ever wondered WTF Minya was doing, jumping around like Michel Jackson? Here's the translation of what he was saying.

**Minya** Welcome everyone to the 5th installment of the kaiju soccer game, ANGUIRUS SOCCER!!!

We see that Godzilla, the King of the Monsters, has made it to the final round against King Ceasar and Rodan. Although outnumbered, Godzilla is not outmatched.

Just before the match begins, Anguirus is doing yo mama jokes to Godzilla. I don't see why he's doing that since Anguirus is not on a team, he's the ball. Godzilla is talking back to him to even the playing field, but wait… Anguirus just called Godzilla a bitch! Godzilla is really steamed now.

The bell just rang and the 4 kaiju are running towards each other (Rodan is obviously flying). Godzilla stomps on Anguirus' head and jumps out of the way while Ceasar and Rodan hit each other with a headbutt and Godzilla slides across the field.

King Ceasar forgets about the ball and runs to Godzilla. He climbs the mountain, planning to do a devastating shoulder drop, but wait… Godzilla caught him and tossed him on Anguirus!

Anguirus is rolling to Godzilla, but Rodan trips Godzilla, causing Anguirus to slam into his crotch, just like what I do with my girlfriend (too much information).

Anguirus is in midair and Godzilla tail whips Anguirus into Rodan, causing Rodan to crash land into the Cliffside. King Ceasar does a high jump kick, sending Anguirus into a curved flight.

GOAL!!!!

But wait, Godzilla tosses Ceasar onto the other giant monsters.

GODZILLA WINS!!!!

YES, YES!!! Oh crap, I got a lot of gas. (Burp). Too much nachos. (Burp) WTF!!! (Minya is increasing in size).

Sweet, I'm a giant monster now! Hey Ken...(SQUISH). Opps.

(Tv Static)


	6. Godzilla vs King Kong, the remake

2012 ad. The end of the world, according to the History Channel. Godzilla destroyed Tokyo and Kingkong, the American Godzilla and Cloverfield destroyed Newyork city. But which monster is stronger? Godzilla or King Kong? This is the sequel is famous worldwide (but not as important as Alien vs Predator, Freddy vs Jason or Mario vs Sonic).

The monsters arrive in Tokyo, prepared to battle to the death. King Kong runs towards Godzilla, but he burns King Kong's face with his atomic ray.

**Kong **OW OW OW OW. I'M ON FIRE!!! HELP!!!!!!

**Godzilla** Is this the best you got? What have you been doing for the last 50 years?

**Kong** I was in remakes of my original King Kong movies.

**Godzilla** Man, you suck.

Kong picks up a giant rock while Godzilla grabs Tokyo Tower. Kong throws the rock but Godzilla hits it back with the tower. The rock slams into Kong's crotch.

**Kong **Owwww. Right in the ape's banana.

**Godzilla** I don't have to worry about it. I'm asian, so you can't even see it cause it's small.

**Kong **Lucky…

**Godzilla **Gay…

Kong tries to punch Godzilla, but Godzilla bites his hand. He slams Kong into the ground and hits him with the tower.

**Godzilla **Who's the king now? (bam bam) Who's the king now? (bam bam) Hey donkey kong, show me your moves, bitch.

**Kong **What are you, captain falcon?

**Ultraman** No, I am.

**Godzilla **Hey Ultraman, you want to finish this guy off?

**Ultraman **Gladly.

Ultraman grabs Kong and flies into space. As Kong suffers from lack of air, Ultraman throws him down. Kong burns up like a meteor and crashes into a mountain.

5 days later, kong is recovering inside a hospital on monster island.

**Mothra **Kong, you have a visitor.

Godzilla appears with a giant double chainsaw in his hands.

**Godzilla **I forgot to finish you off.

**Kong** How the hell did you get a giant chainsaw?!?!?

**Godzilla **It was (GFW) Gigan's arm.

**Kong **If you strike me down now, I will become more powerful than you can possible imagine, but before I die, promise not to kill Jack Black.

**Godzilla** Jack Black is cool, I won't kill him.

Godzilla chops up Kong.

**Mothra **Kong, your insurance won't cover your funeral. Godzilla, you have to pay for it.

**Godzilla** What?

Godzilla turns on the chainsaws.

**Mothra **King Ghidorah will have to pay for it.

**Godzilla** Hell yeah!

(Tv Static)


	7. Farta

From the scene from Godzilla vs Megalon. Godzilla is fighting Megalon, who is immobilized by Jet Jaguar.

**Megalon** No creature -- Persian or Japanese – no creature threatens a deity!

**Godzilla** You bring the crowns and heads of conquered kaiju to _my_ country's steps. You insult my sexy girlfriend (Mothra). You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Megalon. Perhaps you should have done the same!

**Jet Jaguar** Damn Right!

**Megalon** This is blasphemy! This is _madness!_

**Godzilla** Madness? _THIS IS __**FARTA!**_

Godzilla jumps in the air and slides on his tail until he kicks Megalon.

**Jet Jaguar** Dude, you said it wrong.

**Godzilla** Really?

**Jet Jaguar** It's Sparta, not Farta.

**Godzilla **Fine, let's do it again.

Jet Jaguar picks up Megalon.

**Godzilla** Madness? _THIS IS __**SPARTA!**_

**Megalon** AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


	8. Moguera is a Dick 2

**Spacegodzilla** Your nose is a dick. Your missiles are dicks.

**Moguera **WILL YOU STOP IT!!!

**Spacegodzilla** (pause) Your tail looks like you're taking a dump, but it's stuck in there.

**Moguera **Know what, it has been 20 minutes and I don't see Godzilla.

**Spacegodzilla **(pause) Well, we can just wait. (pause) I have some beer, do you…

**Moguera **I'll have some tea. I know a place nearby.


	9. GIGANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

From the scene from GFW. Inside the Xillian Mothership.

**Evil Kaiser** GIGANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! Rise!

Gigan flies towards the Mothership.

**Gigan** What the was that?

**Evil Kaiser** (pause) I-I'm trying to be cool.

**Gigan** Gay.

Gigan flies away.

**Evil Kaiser** I'm not gay… am I?

**Minion **You think Don Frye is sexy.

**Evil Kaiser** _Ohhhh yeahhhh._ Wait, wait, wait… Hold on. If I'm gay, then why do I have a _sexy ninja chick_ with me?

Sexy Xillian Chick pulls out two swords.

**Sexy Xillian Chick** Come near me, I cut head off.

**Minion **(whispers to Evil Kaiser) You're right, she's hot.


	10. Chinese Restaurant

Rodan and Anguirus are at a Chinese restaurant.

**Drive Thru **Can we help you?

**Rodan** Yeah, do you have any egg rolls?

**Drive Thru** Yes

**Anguirus **How about Chow Mein?

**Drive Thru **We have shrimp, beef, lobster.

**Rodan **Lobster? We had too much lobster yesterday.

**Anguirus** Ebriah was delicious.

**Drive Thru** What you talk about?

**Rodan** What?

**Drive Thru** What you talk about?

**Anguirus **What are you talking about? Is that what he said?

**Drive Thru** You hold up the line.

**Rodan **Sorry, I don't speak Chinglish, I only speak English and Engrish.

**Anguirus** Isn't Chinglish a form of Engrish?

**Drive Thru** You take to long. Don't eating here again.

**Anguirus** What?

**Rodan** Screw this, China sucks anyways. They don't have sexy Asian chicks like Japan does.

**Anguirus** Dude, China is part of Asia.

**Rodan **Still, they don't have sexy chicks.

**Drive Thru** You having small ding dongs!

**Anguirus** What?

**Rodan **I think he said we have small… Wait, whoa, whoa, easy on the sex slang.

**Anguirus** Ours are not small, we don't even have any. (Our lives suck)

**Drive Thru** You leaving now!

**Rodan** Fine, I'm moving to New York City. Anguirus, maybe you should attack Shanghai.

**Anguirus **Why not Beijing? That's the capital.

**Rodan** Just do it. We can make a movie out of it.

**Anguirus** Nice.


	11. Mecha G

There have been many mechas over the years, but only a few became famous.

MECHA ULTRAMAN

Jet Jaguar I'm not Ultraman!

MECHA KING KONG

MECHAGODZILLA

(Mecha King Kong rip-off)

MECHA KING GHIDORAH

METAL SONIC

MECHAGODZILLA 2

(lame name)

MECHA MOGUERA

(technically a remake of Moguera)

Cyber-Zilla

(no one cares about him)

Kiryu

But now, a new mecha has arrived. Prepare yourself Godzilla.

Coming in theaters shortly after Armageddon, GODZILLA VS MECHA GEORGE BUSH. He still hasn't given up his plans for presidency, his motive, become the president of MEXICO!!!


	12. Moguera is a Dick 3

Moguera is drinking tea while Spacegodzilla is drinking beer.

**Spacegodzilla **N.. Now here's a good reason why you're, special.

**Moguera **It's about me being Dickzilla, right?

**Spacegodzilla** But that's a good thing, lo… look at me, I have nothing.

**Moguera **How do you go to the bathroom?

**Spacegodzilla **I don't know, I might have a big ass gallbladder. B..but you, you can up any chick you come across. You are lucky.

**Moguera** And you're drunk, but I think you're right. I'm gonna meet a lot of chicks and party until midnight.

**Spacegodzilla** Find some sexy anime chicks. Yeah… anime chicks. They're always getting raped. Yeah….

**Moguera** I think you need a shrink. Seriously, you need help.


	13. Handy Caps

**Narrator **Have you ever had trouble doing things that seem impossible to do for you, but easy for others?

**Megalon** I have no fingers, I have to eat my frootloops with my mouth.

Megalon goes headfirst into his cereal bowl.

**Megalon** And I keep spiting napalm balls into my food.

Megalon accidentally vomited a napalm ball into his taco.

**Rodan** Now that's a spicy meatball!

**Gigan **I have troubles with my family.

**Gigan Jr.** Hey daddy, can I have a hug?

**Gigan** Ok…

Gigan hugs his son, but his chainsaw belly rips through his son.

**Gigan** (cries) WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK! WHO GAVE ME THIS DESIGN ANYWAYS? (pause) Hey son, are you ok?

**Titanosaurus** I only had one movie appearance and I have no fans. Everyone hates me.

**Narrator** Well, we might not help you gain popularity, but we can help you with your handicaps with our own HANDY CAPS. These giant dome shaped robots do jobs for you.

A handy cap is feeding Megalon with a spoon.

**Megalon** And to think, this only costs $200,000 a week, plus tax.

**Narrator **The handy caps are able to change their size for any situation.

A handy cap is on Gigan like a suit. The hard exterior is blocking his chainsaw belly.

**Gigan** Hey son, want a hug?

**Gigan Jr.** I think I'll pass, I'm still recovering.

**Narrator **Another satisfied customer, and they can also turn into fighting ufos.

Three handy caps are attacking Titanosaurus.

**Titanosaurus **WHY! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?


	14. Power of the Force of the Matrix

From the scene from GFW. Inside the Xillian Mothership.

**Evil Kaiser** I'm getting pretty sick of you guys. Hey unnamed xillians, shoot these humans.

The xillians shoot a volley of laser blasts, but Ozaki (Human Kaiser) stops the attack in midair.

**Gordon (Don Frye)** What is that, some kind of jedi trick or something?

**Evil Kaiser** Hey, don't be doing a starwars joke, or… whatever it is.

**Otonashi (The human chick)** I think it's from the Matrix, you aliens also look like those Matrix villains.

**Ozaki **Will you guys shut up! I can't focus.

Ozaki repels the blast and kills the background characters.

**Gordon **Yeah, it is like Starwars, all the unimportant characters get killed.

**Ozaki** Can't we talk about this later?

**Evil Kaiser** Enough talking, lets do the one thing that all Japanese movies have… KONG FU FIGHTING!!

The two Kaisers do some fast kong fu fighting while the song, EVERYBODY LOVES KONG FU FIGHTING, plays in the background. Notice the wires on their backs.

**Gordon **Yeah, it's a low budget version of the Matrix and Starwars.

**Otonashi **We can all agree on that.


	15. Godzilla vs Ultra

_It's the most wanted fight against toho kaiju._

_**GODZILLA vs….**_

_**ULTRA-chick?**_

**Godzilla** Hey…. baby…. You like sexy anime movies? We should reenact them. Yeah….

**Moguera **WTF?

**Godzilla** Oh, hey Moguera. What are you doing?

**Moguera **What are _you_ doing? Are you still in this Robot Chicken special?

**Godzilla **Yeah.

**Moguera** Dude, no one cares about Robot Chicken, no one cares about _you_.

**Godzilla **But, I'm getting paid.

**Moguera** Really?

**Godzilla **Well, I should. Know what, I'm gonna quit once this chapter is done. (long pause) So….. now what are we gonna do?

**Moguera **You were gonna rape that Ultrachick.

**Godzilla** Oh yeah… Hey, can you help me. Your body is covered in dicks and yet I can't even find mine. No, it's not because I'm fat, it's because I'm Asian. Small eyes and small dicks and… all that crap.

**Moguera** You know what, FINE! If everyone appreciates me for being made out of an inappropriate appendage, FINE!

Moguera tears of his left arm.

**Moguera** GO AHEAD AND ALL YOU WANT, I'M LEAVING!!

Moguera leaves. After a short pause Godzilla takes his arm.

**Godzilla** Hey baby, I got my magic wand.

Credit roll (lets skip the credit roll)

Godzilla is on his cell phone.

**Godzilla** Hey, Moguera…

**Moguera** What is it? Wait, do you still have my arm? I kind of want it back.

**Godzilla** Yeah, but I have a question… Why does that light on Ultraman flash so much?

**Moguera** Ultramen use solar energy to fuel their bodies. If they are not near the sun, their power slowly drains. While fighting on earth, an Ultraman has about 3 minutes before it runs out of energy.

**Godzilla **What happens if the light is off.

**Moguera **Then, I guess, the Ultraman dies.

**Godzilla** Oh good, I thought I raped her to death.

**Moguera **SHE'S DEAD!?

**Godzilla** Yeah… but come on, you can survive 3 minutes on earth? WTF? That's the worst weakness ever! Who came up with that idea?

**Moguera **Well, what did you think the flashing siren means?

**Godzilla** I thought Ultrachick was coming onto me.

**Moguera **Shut up… oh, and I want my arm back asap.


End file.
